


Under A Shattered Crown of Fire

by Moonbreeze19



Series: We Fly On Wings of Shadows/Odd Eye AU [2]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: X & Y | Pokemon X & Y Versions
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Faked Suicide, Gen, Mentioned OCs, Not Beta Read, Pokemon Death, XYZ Finale Rewrite, alain deserves better, future alain/oc but the oc doesn't even show up properly lmao, it's basically ignire but an AU version, just mentioned a few times, yes it's gonna be a tag now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29186946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonbreeze19/pseuds/Moonbreeze19
Summary: Alain thought he was strong. He thought that if he just kept going, one day - he'd be enough. Now, he's never been more sure he was entirely wrong.But does he have any other option but to keep walking through the fire, anyways?"Alain’s lost, and he thought he wouldn’t be lost again. He thought he’d found where he was supposed to be. But maybe he’s wrong, maybe just having something to chase after, something to strive for - isn’t what makes it right."-- [Important/Key Parts of an XYZ Finale Rewrite/AU version of Ignire, Alain POV] --
Relationships: Alan | Alain & Alan no Lizardon | Alain's Charizard, Alan | Alain & Manon | Mairin
Series: We Fly On Wings of Shadows/Odd Eye AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142843
Kudos: 3





	Under A Shattered Crown of Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Welcome to this mess of an angsty train-wreck I like to call Under A Shattered Crown of Fire! 
> 
> This fic serves as the second of two prologues towards a large multichapter I have planned - which will be posted, when I actually... y'know... write it :P But there are PLANS haha, and either way, this fic makes sense (or at least somewhat) with or without it! 
> 
> However, I do HIGHLY recommend you read the first prologue first - the first part of this series on AO3. It's called _We Fly on Wings of Shadows_ and honestly this fic can be read independently, but it will make quite a bit more sense if you read the other one first! It's a lot shorter than this one, too, so it shouldn't take too long to get through :P
> 
> I also recommend you check out the description of this series as well, as it explains the AU in a bit more detail - but in short, it's a fantasy Pokemon AU! There's magic powers and glowing eyes and a whole lot of fire - it's great fun, I promise :P 
> 
> And final note - this is an AU version of Ignire, which is my version of the Kalos Crisis/XYZ anime finale. As such, things are not the same as they are in the anime, but are majorly inspired. The key difference would likely be in how X from the Pokemon Adventures manga replaces Ash as the main protagonist, which also results in another minor character replacements. And then there's all the fantasy AU stuff that I worked in as well, it's... messy, but really fun :P
> 
> But anyways, I'm gonna shut up now! I really hope you enjoy, and thank you for reading <33
> 
> **content warnings: character death, swearing (quite a bit of it), faked/assumed suicide, referenced/implied emotional manipulation**

Alain fights back a scream, biting his tongue until he draws blood. Dots scatter across the edge of his vision, but he’s fine. He’s fine, he has to be fine. Meanwhile, Kuro roars, as he takes the huge golden Water Shuriken from X’s Greninja. Or rather, the Champion’s. Because X is the Champion now. He beat Alain to it. But Alain doesn’t mind - he’s proved his strength already, hasn’t he? Isn’t he, right now? By winning? Grenousso staggers. Alain forces himself to stand, to keep his head up. If he can, Kuro will, too. They’ll win. They’ll win, it’ll be a sign that he’s made it- 

Grenousso stands shakily on its feet. Alain doesn’t think, he registers only one thing. It’s like an instinct. 

_ It’s not over.  _

“Flamethrower,” he manages to choke out. Kuro roars, wings charred and eyes crimson red, and sends a blazing blue stream of fire towards the Greninja. X is lucky. He has this power, this incredible, incredible power - and he’s not going to die. A loss of his ace doesn’t mean he dies. He’s not…

_ He’s not cursed, not like you are. And he doesn’t have the eye that you never wish you had.  _

But Alain sees the fear flash across X’s face. He knows that losing - Grenousso losing does not come with the same pain that it would if Alain and Kuro lost - but it hurts. It hurts, he’s seen X black out when he’s pushed himself too far. Hell knows Alain’s done the exact same thing. But X is afraid, for just a moment. Alain understands that. He almost feels bad, even, yet he knows that this is how battling is. It hurts. You get stronger. And then you repeat. The Flamethrower surges forwards, Grenousso staggers backwards, Alain  _ knows  _ it’ll hit and then it’ll be over and he’ll have won-

And then it doesn’t. Why doesn’t it? Why does Grenousso scream, when the Flamethrower erupts into nothing but white smoke? And why, when the smoke clears, are the red, twisting vines  _ everywhere?  _ Alain’s head goes blank. Blank, completely blank. He doesn’t think. He knows he’s seen it before, he’s  _ seen  _ this picture, he feels like he should have known but  _ why  _ and he can’t place anything-

“Elec, use-” The Pokeball in X’s hand clatters to the ground. His friend drops, breath coming in short gasps. Alain’s head kicks into gear. 

“Dragon Claw.” And he hates the way his voice cracks. He hates the way it betrays his fear, that for once, he doesn’t know what’s going on, and he doesn’t know what he should do, because once the crowd starts screaming and the sky turns a deep, sunset scarlet - Alain’s lost, and he thought he wouldn’t be lost again. He thought he’d found where he was supposed to be. But maybe he’s wrong, maybe just having something to chase after something to  _ strive for  _ isn’t what makes it right-

Alain ducks and rolls without thinking, dodging past a red vine that shoots out of the ground. He doesn’t have to think, because he’s done enough training with Kuro for that. Then he fumbles into his pocket, pulling out a Max Potion. He sprays Kuro, and then tosses one across the makeshift battlefield to X. Kuro roars, and Alain feels his head clear, the ache in his arm gone. He feels the fire at his fingertips, and the blaze of his right eye. And he feels the invisible lines, that trace from his heart to Kuro’s. That bond them through life and through death. And it’s a quiet affirmation, a reassurance - he can lose everyone, he can lose everything. Time and time again. But he won’t lose Kuro, and Kuro won’t lose him. Because they fall together, or not at all. 

And then Alain realizes that he’s alone. X is gone. Kuro stands, stares at him. The vines nearest to him have stilled, but he can hear the sirens and the screams and explosions, buildings and skyscrapers as they crumble. The sky as it grows darker. And the crimson, blazing red glow from the top of Prism Tower. 

What happens next isn’t exactly something Alain can just… explain. It’s the feeling of something, something greater than yourself - reaching into your soul, reaching for your blood and your fire. The cold, the moment when you freeze over, your eyes go blank. Both of them - or so you think. Because if you were to ask Kuro, he would have said that was wrong. You were wrong. Your right eye flashed, not the brilliant blue it does on its own. It goes white, entirely and purely white. And then Alain feels his mind going blank, completely blank - and he thinks of nothing. Nothing but what a single voice says. 

_Z._

And he knows. He’s one of the two dozen that knows. And Alain  _ hates himself  _ for it. 

[--]

Alain knows he’s done the wrong thing. He’s done the wrong thing, more times than he can count. He’s ruined lives, he’s lost his best friend and the only family he’s ever had. Now, he’s lost the only person he had left. He knows that. He doesn’t deserve X, his trust, anymore. Maybe he never did - not after all Lysandre told him to do. Because he knew what he did to Z-2 was wrong. He hated its scream, he hated the way that he felt its pain on a level he’d never felt from anybody but Kuro, he hated how he forced himself to stand, to swallow his hurt and to smile. To explain to Celosia that Lysandre had sent him, that he took orders from him and only him. Even if the words felt wrong. And how many shots, has he fired? How many has he fired, without thinking twice? Dozens. A hundred. Hell, maybe even more. And ever since the first time, he swore he could never do that again. It hurt him, every time.  _ What would she think of you now? What would she think of you, after you left her alive?  _ But Alain shut his eyes. He fired, every time. And he hears them scream, and he hates knowing what he’s done and what he’s  _ doing.  _ But Lysandre offered him the world. A chance. Nobody else had ever done that for him. He had to take it, regardless of the price. Because at least he was alive. And he knew that if he did the same for them, then he’d lose the one person who’d helped him rise.

But maybe, in the end - maybe Mairin had been the one to ask the most important question of all.  _ “Just how far are you willing to go?”  _ Because he wanted to be the strongest. The strongest he could be, the strongest of all of them so that he wouldn’t ever  _ lose  _ somebody again-

But maybe he’d gone too far. Maybe he’d been blind, maybe his vision had narrowed into nothing but a flashlight, fixed ahead on a single spot. Unable to see anything else. Unable to see what he’d been doing, all along. Because Arceus knows he’s fucked up, time and time again. With Mairin. With Chespie. With Z-2, with _X._ And with every time he pulled the trigger, versus the one time he didn’t. He doesn’t even know which one was right anymore. And then there’s Lysandre, with the red Zygarde, saying that this is what _perfect_ looks like-

“Alain! Say  _ something, goddamnit-”  _

And he’s not strong. He worked  _ so fucking hard  _ to be the strongest, he’s pushed himself and he’s pushed Kuro and he’s lost track of the times he’s almost killed them both - but he’s still weak. He’s fucking  _ weak,  _ because all X wants is a response, a sign that he’s there that he’s  _ listening -  _ and Alain can’t even give that to him. Lysandre can tear buildings, destroy cities and command gods - and Alain can’t even speak anymore. He hates that. He hates knowing that no matter how hard he tried, it’s never enough-

“Alain.” Eventually, there’s a point where he goes numb. He goes numb to his own name, he doesn’t want to  _ listen  _ anymore-

“This is all thanks to you.” He freezes. Lysandre smiles - smiles the smile that used to convince Alain that for once,  _ for once,  _ he was wanted - but this time, Alain’s blood goes cold. Lysandre looks back out, over the city. The hell he’s created. The hell that…

“The system was completed. Don’t you know that?” Alain doesn’t need to think. He knows exactly what system Lysandre speaks of, the same system he spent the past half year working his ass off to complete, he walked through fire and took more lives than he can  _ count- _

“And we didn’t have the power. We didn’t have the power to control Zygarde like we do now. But the energy… the Mega Evolution energy? That’s enough. Now, Zygarde burns red with rage, with a hatred for humankind and how we’ve  _ ruined  _ this planet, destroyed its balance and its order.” Lysandre turns back to him. Everything - everything goes in one ear, and out the other. Except for one line.  _ “The Mega Evolution energy? That’s enough.”  _ That’s enough. That’s enough? What the fuck does Lysandre mean, it’s enough to  _ control- _

“And the Mega Evolution energy you gathered is proving to be quite useful in destroying this imperfect world.” 

And for as long as he can remember, Alain’s always been fire. He’s been blazing, hot blue fire, when it flies from his fingertips and lifts him off the ground. But in the end, he can still freeze over. Even the strongest Dragons crumble to Ice. And he can still go cold, absolutely  _ cold,  _ and then it’s  _ numb- _

He staggers backwards. Once. Lysandre words ring through his head, time and time again. They take their place, among the two others. He’s never going to forget this, is he? No matter how hard he tries? 

_ “And the Mega Evolution energy you gathered is proving to be quite useful in destroying this imperfect world.”  _

Once, through his head. Then twice. Then three times. 

And then it’s Mairin screaming, screaming at him because Chespie’s accident had been his fault  _ just like everything else- _

_ “Fuck you, and fuck Team Flare and fuck all you pawns Lysandre has  _ **_right in his palm-”_ **

And he should have fucking  _ listened.  _

Alain screams.

[--]

Alain wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it was the pain, the fear, in X’s eyes. Maybe it was how hard, Alain knew, he was  _ trying.  _ He was strong. He was stronger than Alain would ever be, because X kept fighting. Or maybe… maybe it was the words.

_ “But I don’t care about what you’ve done, or the mistakes you’ve made. I believe in you, in the Alain that I know! And this is our only chance to save this world - don’t you see that?” _

Because he does. He does see it - that unless he does something,  _ right now,  _ Lysandre wins. And he’s taken too much from him for Alain to let him do that. 

_ “Battle me, Lysandre!”  _ He hears X scream. And then he breaks free. X’s restraints shatter, into shards of silver and crimson red. The water swirls around him and Grenousso, settling into a four pointed shuriken on the latter’s back, and they both land on the steel safely together. Alain gasps, slightly. That’s power. That’s  _ a whole shit ton of power.  _ And then there’s Lysandre, he accepts X’s challenge and they’re facing down a full team of six-

Alain’s team steps forwards, and his hand rests on the final Pokeball on his waist. He takes a deep breath. Wordlessly, he tosses it through the air, and Kuro lands with a thud right next to him. Then he takes his hand, presses it to Kuro’s chest. He channels his power, his fire, his soul - and lets it spread through his partner’s veins. He explodes into blinding white light. 

“Kuro,  _ tear him apart.”  _

And for a moment, Alain thinks - for just a second. The briefest second. No longer than the flash in his right eye. 

_ This was what I was born to do.  _

[--]

In the heat of battle, the last thing Alain does is  _ think.  _ He falls back into his old routine, old habits. He fights. That’s what he knows how to do. And X, clearly, does the same, as the Aegislash falls to Grenousso’s Night Slash. For Alain, battling is his outlet. He fights to let off steam, to let out the pain. And this is, he knows - the highest stakes he’s ever had. Because it’s not just his life on the line, this time. It’s the world’s. But he’s worked his hardest to get to this point, and even if Lysandre used him - he can prove that none of his training went to waste. That’s the least he can do. 

And now, Alain’s still got Lance, he’s got Kuro, and they can end this  _ now- _

Alain inhales, and looks up. Lysandre’s face is blank, calm. His red Mega Gyarados roars, with power far beyond your average stone-based Mega Evolution should have. Why? But that’s a question for another day, for far in the future. None of that matters right now. But he looks at Kuro, looks back at Lance. Looks at X. And he takes his shot. 

“Lance, use Guillotine!” 

His Bisharp shoots forwards, blades drawn back. They grow longer, they grow blue, drawn into an x. Alain doesn’t breathe. 

“Dodge it!” Lysandre orders. Alain swears. The Gyarados swerves, and Lance misses. Narrowly. He spins, skidding backwards. A step away from the edge. Alain barely notices. But they were so close, damnit, just a  _ little bit more- _

“Incinerate!” Gyarados roars. It sends a swirling orange fireball, flying, it hits Lance head on and then-

He falls. 

One.

Inch.

Back.

And then he’s falling,  _ falling,  _ and Alain  _ should  _ have known because  _ when you’re at the top the only way to go is down- _

Lance does not scream. He falls, in silence. He was always like that, you know. Took the pain in silence, fought on. Just like Alain did. And Alain sees his face one last time, as he dashes to the edge of Prism Tower. Kuro follows. But by then, he’s falling too fast and too far and he’s too  _ late- _

“Lance!” But he’s not that strong. He’s not strong enough, to swallow his pain and his fear, just like Lancelot did. Always. Alain isn’t strong enough for that, he screams because  _ he has to- _

Nothing. 

“Lancelot,  _ please-”  _ He breaks. For the second time, he’s on his knees as he looks out. Over the ruined city. At the bottom, 900 feet down. At the fall.

A single tear drops onto the back of his hand. Alain draws it into a fist. Then he screams, and slams it back into the steel. He screams, in the pain that comes with him knowing that that’s it. Just like that. Lance is gone. He screams for the obvious fracture in his hand from earlier, he screams for knowing how much of his life he’s thrown away, for how he was too blind to see what Lysandre was doing to him. He screams for Mairin, he screams for all the trust X placed in him and  _ wrongly -  _ and he screams for the fact that Lance isn’t the first one to have lost his life in Alain’s hands. He’s far from it. And maybe, in the end - he screams, because Arceus knows what Rin would think if she saw him now. 

“Alain,” X says softly. “Alain, I’m sorry-”

Stupid. He’s fucking  _ stupid,  _ that’s all there is to it. He should have forgot about Guillotining the stupid Gyarados, he could have done  _ anything  _ else or he should have sent Kuro after him or maybe  _ he  _ should have jumped after Lance, and then-

“Hey, Alain. Just look at me for a second, just  _ breathe- _ ”

“Back up.” Alain raises his voice to barely anything above a whisper, and he doesn’t wait to see if X listened. 

Then he lets loose, and his right eye flashes. 

“ _Go to hell,_ _Lysandre_.”

And the flames explode, and everything goes blue. 

Alain sends a beam of fire directly at Lysandre, and then he shoots forwards. Kuro follows him.  _ This  _ is how he fights. 

Gyarados takes the attack. Alain jumps, ducks and rolls. Kuro catches the Gyarados in his jaws. Alain envelopes the four of them - Lysandre, too - in swirling fire. Maybe it’s dumb, maybe he isn’t thinking - but he has powers. Why shouldn’t he use them?

Kuro roars, and Alain hears a crack. The Gyarados roars in pain, and then there’s a snarl. Alain spins through the fire, eyes falling on Lysandre. His boss takes one step back, then two. Alain doesn’t move. Because when it comes to this - Lysandre has words. He has fake promises, he has a twisted version of a dream. And Alain has fire. He has a heart. And, most importantly - he has people he’s willing to fight for. 

He wins this, every single time. He has to. 

It takes one punch to send him staggering backwards. Alain’s tall, and while Lysandre’s taller - he doesn’t know how to fight. Not like Alain does. Alain’s trained his Pokemon, he’s trained  _ himself -  _ because for every hit he takes, Kuro takes one too. He knows that. Two hits, and Lysandre’s a foot away from the edge. Alain knows that if he wanted - if he really, truly wanted to - he could kill him. And for a moment, he’s about to do so. Later on, maybe he’ll wish that he did. But…

_ If you kill him, doesn’t that make you just as bad as he is? And haven’t you killed enough for one lifetime?  _

It’s that single moment of hesitation that costs him. Because Lysandre won’t fight him - not with fists, not with fire. But he knows how to get into Alain’s head better than anybody else. And that’s exactly what he does. 

“You’re playing with fire, Alain,” he whispers. Alain goes cold. “You’re playing with fire, and one day, you’re going to get burnt.” Lysandre pauses, takes one step back. “And you and I both know that you’ll never be able to beat me like this.” And then he falls. Backwards. Off the edge. 

_ Just like Lance did.  _

But this time, Alain doesn’t call after him. X doesn’t, either. They stand in silence, X watches him in near shock, as the blue flames swirl around his hands and feet. And then they lower. It hits Alain, just then - that that’s it. Lysandre’s gone. Nobody was surviving a fall from Prism Tower. And…

But he still failed. He failed Lance, he failed Mairin. He failed his team. And  _ damnit,  _ it hurts knowing that no matter what he did, no matter if Lysandre was  _ dead or not -  _ that’s it. They can’t change a thing. Nobody can. And… 

And what can Alain do, at that point? Nothing. Nothing, when he’s already lost. 

And finally, Alain lets himself cry.

[--]

Alain feels numb. He feels numb, knowing that for everything he lost - it’s not enough. This isn’t over. This hell, this apocalypse - it goes on. He goes on. And he has to keep fighting, he has to swallow his pain and his guilt and his  _ everything- _

He’s 19. Almost 20. He shouldn't be weak enough to cry in front of all of them. But he can’t, he can’t, he fucking  _ can’t- _

He knows. He knows they all watch him, wondering what’s happened to break him. Because in the end - what was he to any of them? He had - he had one dimension. He was the strong one. He was the best, he was unbeatable, he lost once and then swore  _ never again.  _ And he’d pick himself up, he’d keep going. He’d work harder, he’d force back the pain and face the fear head on. Because Arceus knows that’s all he was to the one person who matters the most. 

“If the Megalith and the Sundial come in contact, then they’ll merge as a result. And if that happens, it’ll create such a huge burst. Huge enough to wipe out every living being on this planet.” 

And for a moment - for a moment, Steven’s words simply go in one year, out the other. Alain hears him - he hears him, loud and clear. They’re all good as dead. And for a moment, for a moment Alain can’t even  _ care- _

“Fucking  _ Lysandre!”  _ Alain cracks. He screams, throws the only thing he has left as hard as he possibly fucking  _ can.  _ He regrets it almost immediately. Lance’s Ultra Ball clatters on the helicopter’s steel floors. He doesn’t even try not to cry. How many ways can he fuck up at once? He breaks, when he swore not to. He almost destroys the only thing he has left. And fuck, fuck  _ fuck- _

“Hey. Alain. It’s okay.” And he wishes he didn’t care. He wishes X didn’t fucking  _ care,  _ because everybody who cares ends up getting hurt anyways-

“Breathe, Alain. Breathe.” Well, it’s real fucking hard to  _ breathe  _ when you can’t stop crying. He tries, anyways. Like everything he’s done tonight, he fails. X just swallows, and presses Lance’s Ultra Ball back into Alain’s hand. And he wishes he could say it. He wishes he had somebody who he could ask,  _ why do I keep doing everything wrong?  _ He’s tired,  _ so so tired  _ of trying to be strong, even just for  _ her.  _ Because it never works. He puts her in danger, he cracks over something he  _ knows  _ he deserved, and it’s his fault anyways so why the fuck does he deserve anything but hell at this point-

“We’ll get Chespie out from the Megalith, I promise. We have to try,” X swears. And Alain wanted to be strong. He wanted to  _ protect.  _ That’s all he ever wanted. So why - why does he do nothing? Why does he leave X, to pick up after him? To clean up all of his mistakes? 

“We’ll be there,” Steven says firmly. He pauses. Alain swallows, blinks rapidly, staring up at the ceiling. Another breath. Steven’s voice drops. “X, I don’t know what happened at the top of Prism Tower-”  _ Everything.  _ “-but are you and Alain all right? Do you need anything?” Alain breathes, in and out. Shakily. He tries to stop the shaking in his hands, the way he grips Lance’s Ultra Ball tighter and tighter. He opens his mouth, almost to say something. Nothing comes out. 

“We’ll be all right,” X says finally. Really?  _ Really?  _ But he’s not okay he’s not fucking  _ okay- _ “I don’t think there’s too much you can do right now.” Alain looks down, swallows. X is right. He -  _ I want Lance right now.  _ There’s nothing anybody can do about that. He lost him, he’s gone, he’s fucking  _ dead- _

“Are you sure?” 

And he hates it. He hates knowing that Steven asks that for him. Because Steven saw him - Steven saw him fight Mega Rayquaza. He saw him jump out of the aircraft onto the ice, right between Primal Groudon and Kyogre - to save Kuro’s life. And he saw him black out, then get back up and keep fighting. And Alain hates knowing that Steven’s wondering - wondering, what possibly hurt enough to break him. 

“I guess… three Revives and some Max Potions, for my team. But in the end, I’m fine,” X says. “Yeah.” Alain freezes. And he sees the regret flash across X’s face, he sees the moment when he knows  _ exactly  _ what he’s said-

“Alain?” He wishes they could just leave him alone. Leave him the fuck alone. Let him sit, let him cry and let him  _ hurt  _ but they can’t-

_ It’s not their fault. It’s not their fault the world is ending, it’s not their fault Lance is dead. Suck it up, Viard. Just get over it, and move on with your goddamn life.  _

He swallows, and he looks up. 

“I-” His voice cracks. Fine, fine,  _ he’s fine-  _ “A Max Potion,” he finally says. “For Kuro. And-” Another pause. Another pause, the helicopter turns, everything  _ hurts  _ and he wishes he could just lie and then things would be different and this all would be nothing but a fucking  _ nightmare-  _

_ Breathe.  _ Alain breathes. Then again. Then he swallows, grips Lance’s Ultra Ball tighter again. 

“Four. Four Revives. For the rest of them.” 

Fuck him. Fuck him, fuck his life, fuck him and the little pity party his head wants to throw for him as if  _ he  _ hasn’t done worse to others and it shouldn’t fucking  _ hurt this much-  _

“I’m sorry,” Steven says quietly. “I’m so sorry.” Alain doesn’t look up. It doesn’t fucking  _ matter.  _ Because he deserved this, he deserves to lose one life for all of the others he’s taken. It’s just  _ one.  _ He needs to get the fuck over it, move on, and focus on what actually matters-

“I’ll get you your stuff when we’re back together, okay? And let me know if there’s anything else.” Alain wishes they’d all shut up. That they’d all leave him alone, where he didn’t have to  _ think  _ about the fact that they were all watching him. That they all expected  _ better.  _ Why - why is it, that no matter how hard he tries - nothing  _ works?  _

“Thank you,” X says. His voice stays calm - even. Alain wishes he could be that strong. He’s not. There’s a moment of silence, and then a shuffle. 

“Hey. Alain.” He goes cold. “I know Steven already said this,” the Professor starts. “And I know you aren’t looking at me right now. But I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s terrible, and I wish there was something we could do. And I hope you know that  _ I’m  _ here-” 

“And I don’t want your goddamn pity!” Alain screams. He chokes out a breath. “I don’t want your goddamn  _ pity,  _ because pity doesn’t bring Lance back and it doesn’t change the fact that it was  _ my fucking fault  _ and that  _ I _ failed him-” His voice catches in a sob that wells in the bottom of his throat. Everything falls silent, apart from him. Apart from his stupid tears. Why the fuck does he have to  _ cry,  _ he’s better than  _ this- _

“Alain?” The worst part is that she’s  _ afraid.  _ He’s scared he, he cracked and he yelled and he screamed and he fucking  _ scared her.  _ Why, why  _ why- _ “What do you mean, bring Lance back?” She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t even  _ understand.  _ She’s too young for this shit, she’s too young to understand that  _ this  _ is the world that they live in. That  _ everytime  _ he bonds with Kuro, he knows that Lance’s life isn’t the only one that has been thrown out to the other side. And he shouldn’t have to sit and hope and pray that Lysandre hasn’t taken her only friend left from her just like he took Alain  _ himself-  _

“I-” He breathes, shakily. It barely feels like a breath anymore. “I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. X…  _ please.”  _ And he hopes X sees. He hopes he sees how much this  _ hurts  _ and that he needs him, even if he hates it. And X - X nods. Alain breathes, again. He’s not - he’s not as strong, not as strong as he thought he was. Because the whole time, Lysandre had used him and told him this and that and that he was doing the  _ right thing.  _ He wasn’t. He fell for it. He doesn’t know how, or why. And he knows that he’s not strong anymore.

But he has to - he has to try, doesn’t he? He has to keep his head up, keep going. Pretend that he’s not broken into a million goddamn pieces. Because she needs him, the  _ world  _ needs him. Hell, even if it was just Mairin - even if she was the only one. Even if the rest of them were gone. Alain would fight through goddamn hell and back to give her a shot to live. Because she - after everything he’s done to her - she at least deserves that. He has to at least try, he can use this he can turn this into  _ something.  _

“Alain?” And maybe it’s five minutes later, when X holds out a hand. Maybe it’s the fact that Alain can see the fear in his eyes - that he doesn’t fake. That he doesn’t try to hide it. Maybe it’s then that Alain nods, he pulls out Kuro’s Pokeball. Maybe for the last time. 

“Thank you,” he says. X nods. He almost  _ smiles.  _ Alain just takes a deep breath, fixes his mouth into a tight line. Then he slides open the door of the helicopter, doesn’t think twice. He throws Kuro’s Pokeball through the air. 

“Respond to my heart. Beyond Evolution.  _ Mega Evolve.”  _ And maybe, this time - maybe it’s not good, how little he cares. How little he cares about throwing his own life on the line. Because he knows their chances of winning are so, so slim. But…

But he’d rather die trying, than regret it because he could have made a difference. And he’ll do  _ anything  _ to smash what’s left of Lysandre’s dream into a storm of shattered glass. 

[--]

It’s the site of Zygarde - Zygarde Complete - and site of Lysandre falling, once more. For real, this time. When he won’t get back up. It’s the site of the Megalith, shattered into a million tiny pieces. It litters the ground in iridescent shards, crystals. Alain smashes one, then another. And then he steps back. It’s the site of Chespie, who finally opens his eyes. Of X, Y - the rest of them, who stood behind him. Who saved this world. Of Mairin, who thanks, who  _ forgives him.  _ Even when Arceus knows he doesn’t deserve any of it. And it’s knowing that he lost so, so much - but he’s here. He’s standing. Kuro - Kuro had his back. So did the rest of his team. So did  _ Lance.  _ And they made it through, they gave the rest of the world a  _ chance.  _

And Alain’s not a hero. He’s not a hero, he’s not the savior. The protagonist. That’s X’s job. But he still fought, he did the goddamn best he could. In the end, it was… enough. Somehow. And he does have regrets - Lysandre. He trusted Lysandre. He’s shot and killed and murdered and  _ once he didn’t-  _

“Alain?” He breathes. Looks up at the black sky. But they still stand, under the same stars. He looks back down at Mairin, at the smile on her face that he fought so hard to see just  _ one more time.  _ He too, smiles.

And he regrets, he really does. If he’d been a little smarter, a little stronger - this could have been avoided. Entirely. He won’t pretend this entire apocalypse wasn’t his fault when… it was. But he’ll make things right, one day. He hopes he’s on the right track already. And he’ll…

_ “Fuck you, and fuck Team Flare and fuck all you pawns Lysandre has right in his palm-” _

He’ll thank her, one day. For the warning he never listened to. 

But that - that’s in the future, isn’t it? For now, he can breathe. He can look up at the stars. And he can look at the people he has, the people that help him hold on and the ones that keep him going - and he can apologize. He can try. He can try and be better one day, and maybe then he’ll deserve to be forgiven. 

Maybe. Just maybe. And the least he can do is try, because he knows that she did. And that’s why Rin, too - that’s why he hopes she’s alive.

**Author's Note:**

> i always thought that ignire/canon alain and 27.99x86.93 AU alain really needed therapy, but i clearly hadn't thought about this one :P honestly, i feel terrible. i love him and i hurt him so bad at the same time. he's getting so much therapy after this one because he needs it, for real. 
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoyed! i wrote this over the course of two-three days, it's not beta read or anything so it's a bit of a mess, but i had fun with it! please keep your eyes open for the full multichapter fic if you're interested, and thank you so much for reading, i really appreciate it <33


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